thankful…

so this morning i woke up, rather i kept waking up, with my nose completely, utterly, and miserably clogged. you know, like your bathtub gets when you don’t clean the hair out and the water drains really slowly and seems to come up to your knees when you’re taking a shower? ok… so back to this morning. so i woke up and laid there on my side with my eyes open for a moment. and it was then and there that i had my very first thought of the day: “Thank you, God, for giving us 2 different ways of breathing.” God, in His infinite wisdom and foresight of how we’d mess things up, gave us alternate ways of breathing. if it weren’t for my mouth, i’d be dead. and that’s the truth. so i chuckled, got out of bed, neti potted it, and went on to my day full of snot. what are you thankful for in midst of your congestion???

i feel yucky…

so i don’t get sick. just putting that out there before i start this entry. i don’t get sick… haven’t been in about 2 years. so why, in the last 2 weeks, have i gotten sick twice? the first? a throat infection that went away very quickly. the second? started about last wednesday. a sinus infection that has only gotten worse! can’t breathe, it’s moving into my chest, and i’m getting really tired of being quarantined to the couch in my apartment. i would brave the outside world and go to work feeling yucky, but i’m hanging out with babies during the day at buckhead church now… so that’s a bit of a problem. went looking for a neti pot on sunday with my dear friend shae sweeney after singing at browns bridge and feeling horrible. apparently, after oprah talked about it, they’re nowhere to be found. BUT i found this thing that does the same thing. really disgusting. but effective to a degree.

here’s the thing though. i would rather throw up all day long than be head sick. because once you’ve finally thrown up whatever it is that’s making you sick, it’s gone. when you get rid of the snot in your face… your face just makes more. and that sucks. so here i sit, breathing through my mouth, puffy eyes, groggy head, starting to cough because the yuckiness is slowly letting gravity take it from my face to my chest. here i sit on my couch with my teddy bear, trying to figure out how to sleep sitting straight up… and i look at the coffee table in front of me. and i realize that i’m dying. and if i don’t die of the nasties, then i will certainly die of all the drugs i’m pumping into my system. PRAY! i have to get better people… what a boring way to go!!!

10 random things about me…

dear sweet emily matthews tagged me in her blog (check out her blog to see what i’m talking about!) i am currently sick as a dog and getting a little cabin fever, so here goes… 10 random things you may or may not know about me…

1) i can fit my whole fist in my mouth. it’s true. it’s weird but it’s true.

2) my most embarrassing moment involves senators, the national day of prayer, and the words to the national anthem… or lack of words

3) i have a pet fish named johnny cash. he’s incredible.

4) i was a national champion cheerleader in high school. i know, i know… but it’s true.

5) i LOVE pistachio jello pudding

6) tombstone is my favorite movie

7) i like taking marta anywhere i can… so long as it’s convenient!

8) i LOVE airports.

9) i shop better by myself than with people

10) i always park by the dillard’s shoe section at any mall no matter what i’m at the mall for. learned that one from my mom and sister!

guess it’s my turn to tag… so i’m gonna tag Benjamin, Annie, and Michael… have at it folks!! and when you’re done… tag some folks of your own!

“strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord…” -brenton brown

Tonight, I went to 7/22. Wow. Jeanne Stevens started a new series called “The Long Way Round” about waiting. Jeanne is incredible. An incredible woman, speaker, minister, writer, mother… all around cool chick. We, as young single adults, are all waiting. For SO many things. I know I am. WOW. And I’ve been thankful for the waiting and have been learning so much through it. And I’ve been telling myself over and over that I should hold in the hurting part of waiting. Lately, the questions of “what’s the next step? What am I supposed to do? Where do I go from here?” have been running through my head. I LOVE to be told what to do. Sounds funny, I know. I also hate to be told what to do! Ha! I guess I mean, that I want to just be told what the next step is and I’ll take it. What am I supposed to do? Typically, if I believe and trust that you know better than I do, I’ll do whatever you tell me I’m supposed to. (keep that in mind!) so lately, I’m looking everywhere for the “right” answer to these questions. And all I can seem to figure is that there isn’t a “right” answer. But most recently, I’ve been wondering “do I wait for what’s next, or go after what’s next?” that’s a funny place to be.

Tonight, Jeanne started talking about how much we hate waiting, and how much God asks us to and seems to love to wait. When she started talking about that thing in our career, our life calling, that we know is right around the corner, I could feel my heart coming out of my chest. There it was. I opened my journal and waited to hear the “answer” to my question. But I didn’t get it. I simply got a list of beautiful stories of people who waited on God in the Bible, of attributes of the God I adore, and that God never asks us to wait without a promise and a purpose. But that He WILL ask us to wait. And then Jeanne started to tell the story of her moving here and how hard it was for her. And she pulled out an old black moleskine journal… and I picked up my matching red one. And she read a prayer that she had written before they’d moved and she had realized that she had asked for all the things that were hard for her at the time! I remembered that I had just finished telling my dear friend Annette of how I’m waiting and then of how I’ve asked God to help me be patient and how He never answers those prayers magically… but with a refining process. And that takes work. Hard work a lot of times. And I could feel my nose tickle, and I thought “not now.” And then she started to read in her journal a response that God had spoken to her heart about who she was and who He has made her into and how He has good things ahead but they are not what was behind her. That she could “dig up those old characteristics and try them back on, but they won’t fit the same.” And that’s when they came. I didn’t sniffle or snort. I breathed deeply and the tears just flowed involuntarily. And they didn’t stop. And I kept thinking “not here, not now. Can Jeanne see me crying?” and then she wrapped up and prayed and I sniffled a little here and there and breathed a little quicker. And I’m positive my roommate to my right and my dear friend to my left knew. And I sat there with my hands open in my lap and I cried, every so often quickly wiped my cheeks, trying to stop it before the prayer ended. And then Kristian came up to start the closing worship set. And he sang None But Jesus, and I sobbed. Still sitting, not moving, with my hands open in my lap. and I stayed like that. and then the snot came. And I cried harder than I have in a long time. I was sitting on the front row so I tried to pull my hair down to cover my face so my friends on stage weren’t wondering what main water line had burst all over my face. But then I stopped caring and I fell into the arms of God. And the verse “be still and know that I am God” took on a brand new meaning. It was more about trust tonight than it was about reverence, as it has always been to me in the past. And then Kristian sang Lord of All… and I trusted a bit more, and remembered the God I serve. And then came one of my favorites… Everlasting God. And I stood. And I sang as hard as I could, but I barely had a voice to sing. I sobbed through the whole thing and worshipped and was ecstatic that He has promised us strength as we wait. And He has promised good to us if we wait. And He is the Everlasting God. He will not faint. He won’t grow weary. And He’s the Defender of the Weak. He comforts those in need. He lifts us up on wings as eagles. And I sobbed because all of that is true. And it was more true to me tonight than it has been lately. And it OVERCAME and OVERWHELMED me! And I PRAY that I would always have that desperation in my worship. He has asked me to wait, and I will. It’s hard, but I will. I told Him I would, and I will. Because He has amazing things around the corner for me to do and be a part of. And I am so excited about turning that corner at the right time and watching Him change the world around me through all of it!

“my God is mighty to save…” -reuben morgan, ben fielding

my porch is one of my favorite places. that’s where i am. it’s gorgeous outside and the perfect temperature!

yesterday morning i sang in the main service at browns bridge community church. i got to sing with the ever amazing danny dukes. what a great character! we sang highest and greatest and mighty to save… and it was fun. i LOVE that church. and i LOVE getting to be a part of leading those people in worship! there are some truly beautiful things happening at that campus and so much of it is due to the humility and servanthood of its staff. it MUST be said!

lately, it seems to me, God’s been tapping on my shoulder trying to get my attention. (He does that a lot… and He’s always SO patient!) He seems to repeat Himself until i finally decide to listen. sometimes He even has to get stern with me. lately it’s been about reading His word. ever have those times in life when you get lazy with it? even though it’s horribly and desperately important?? and ever have those times in life when you think you actually are reading it more than you really are? that’s been me the lately. and the stuff i do read, i have skimmed over. so God has been asking me why. and He’s been asking me to read more. and then 7/22 challenged us to read through the gospels by easter. and then yesterday morning, andy started a new series called “text” all about reading the Bible. simple right?

as we were rehearsing yesterday morning before the services started, i was looking at my left hand. the one that was lacerated by a canvas with broken pieces of mirror on it last week. and i started to look at the smaller nicks and cuts. the one on my middle finger looked dirty, so i tried to wipe it off. the dirt was not coming up because it was in the cut. and God whispered something in my ear. just me… (i must have looked funny focusing so hard on this during rehearsal!) He said, open wounds catch dirt. and it was a revelation that i haven’t been closing up my wounds, even the little nicks and cuts, properly. with His Word. and those little wounds have been catching dirt in my life so that they’re more noticable.

so i came home yesterday and the first thing i did? pick up the beautiful message Bible that north point gave its worship leaders and started with matthew, reading with fresh eyes and a pen. and it’s been fun. and i have a renewed desire for His Word… and i’m SO grateful to the 7/22 leadership team and to andy stanley for being used by God to challenge me! Read it… it’s such good stuff!!!

here are the 4 things andy outlined as common issues when we get out of God’s Word:
1) we tend to magnify the weaknesses of others and ignore our own
2) we tend to evaluate all we see as if this is all there is and there is nothing outside this world to live for.
3) we tend to close our hands on our possessions. selfishness and selflessness are directly related to the time we spend in God’s Word
4) we tend to hold onto our anger too long.

“when the stars go blue…” -ryan adams

ryan adams makes me want to write really great music. he does it with such ease that i believe it is possible to grab my moleskine notebook and, all at once, write a truly remarkable song… the kind that changes someone’s life. i’m hiding out (i’m not telling you where or i won’t be hiding) watching nissan live sets. tonight, for the next 30 minutes, i’m watching ryan adams and the cardinals. what a weirdo. (he’s talking right now… and the guy is genuinely weird. funny. but weird.) and i’m cuddled up on an incredibly comfy couch… the kind that seems to swallow you the longer you lay on it… cuddled up with an unbelievably cozy blankey. it’s been a long tiring day… the kind that brings you home and incapacitates your legs once you hit the couch and lulls you to nap.

so here i am, as comfortable as possible, kind of falling asleep as ryan sings HIS song “when the stars go blue” (it’s his… even though i’m pretty sure everyone thinks someone else wrote it). beautiful.

sheryl crow makes me want to play the bass. now, the show soundstage is on. and guess who’s on? no. sheryl crow. there are some seriously B A musicians on stage with this woman. i never disliked sheryl crow, but was never insanely huge on the woman, until i saw her in concert last year with john mayer. she’s totally rock and roll. and what is she opening with? one of the best songs where she plays this huge hot bass… favorite mistake. but how can you have an affair with a man like eric clapton, write a song about it, and it NOT be amazing?? seriously! that’s it. i’m learning to play bass ASAP. and this will be the first song i learn. hold me to it!

i love good music. gets me in the gut. and there’s something about beautiful instruments that have my heart. they make me swoon the way brad pitt’s eyes make most chicks swoon. i know… i’m a weird girl. there’s just something i can’t explain about it. any of you get that? let me know about it. i need to hear that i’m not alone. who does something so beautifully that it makes you want to do it too?

“still the original, still the one…” -steve thomason

(written Saturday, February 2, 2008)

i sang another commercial jingle thursday. yeah… you heard me right. easiest job in the world… and really a lot of fun actually. this one was for The Carpet Shop. i still get the biggest kick out of singing about carpet and barbeque and hot wings! AND getting paid for it! i love that music is my job… BUT i’m still trying to figure out how to go after my job. i just recently realized that since this is my job now, i have to go after work and not just sit around and wait for it to come to me. i’ve never been very good at auditioning or asking to sing or any other part of the whole self-promotion bit. especially in the worship music world. that’s a delicate line… anyone have any suggestions???

in other news… went with some friends to watch a dude play music last night at the red light cafe. check this guy out… ryan horne. he’s really pretty good. has a ryan adams feel to his stuff. slowly finding decent music in this town. let me know of any other local music i won’t be disappointed in… if you know of any!

tomorrow is a morning of worship and singing at browns bridge community church. i LOVE that place. i’m in xtreme tomorrow with the middle schoolers. these kids are really started to get into it on sunday mornings. it’s been cool to watch their comfort level with worship evolve and progress. we have walking wisely weekend with them next weekend. it’s kind of a disciple now weekend. i love these weekends and retreats and camps. these kids get so excited to worship and learn more about who God is. i am absolutely blessed to get to be a part of that.