Archive for October, 2008


“i was almost honest…” -josh kelley

October 31, 2008

i take great pride this year, that not one single person truly has any idea who i am voting for. there are pros and cons to every side. truth be told, none of us truly know everything we need to know when it comes to making a decision for a candidate. if this year’s ballot was a multiple choice math test i would choose d) not enough information. if you believe you know everything about your candidate and what he will do for the country, you are flat out wrong. anything is possible, and everyone is corrupt. i don’t like arguing politics as much as some do. i said arguing. i’ll talk about it if you’re willing to truly discuss. but if you hold firmly to one side and refuse to see the possibilities in any other side, i’m probably not going to get into it with you. at worst, i may play devil’s advocate and just plain piss you off. i shouldn’t do that as much as i do. 

truth is, there are things about each candidate that are corrupt and contrary to what everyone believes is right. let’s be honest with ourselves about our choices, at least, and not paint ourselves heroes who can never live up to our expectations. 

no one knows where i stand politically, and it’s not because i don’t stand somewhere. but i’m no extremist. i recognize that my ideals in one area won’t match my ideals in others. so taking things issue by issue is the way to go i think. but it’s what I think. the beauty of this country is that we are all allowed to think. and what’s more is that we are all allowed to put those thoughts into action in civil ways. 

i’ve been humored to sit back and chuckle at the folks who have so much to say lately. the people who are so adamantly for or against one candidate or another. is that arrogant? i sure hope not. and i apologize if it is. i’m a realist more than i’d like to be, but at some point i had to grow up. i tried being an idealist in every scenario and it just doesn’t work. it’s simply not right in a lot of situations. politics being one of them. politics as we know it are not very Biblical. being in the south, i’m simply tickled at the outspoken ones. and i’ve chosen to keep my peace. to not argue everyone. because the truth is, i don’t know everything. that’s my point. you don’t know everything. we don’t know everything. and everyone’s adamant arguments can be brought down by mere statements. i know how to discredit any of the candidates to even the most ardent supporter. it’s far too easy this year. even outside the 2 main candidates. 

i love donald miller’s statements when grilled about why he accepted the request to PRAY at the dnc this year. he spoke of party unity. he spoke of simplicity. he said “when someone asks you to pray, you pray.” election years are funny. awarenesses and fears are heightened. everyone waits for a bomb to drop on election day, and yet, we’re all still here. and it may not be perfect, but let’s face it. we have MORE than what we need. MUCH MUCH MORE. gas prices may be high but we have gas and we have cars and we can take them wherever we want to. 

bottom line. take a chill pill folks. it’s important, yes. very important. highly important. but let’s try to bring our voices down a notch and realize that it’s simpler and less extreme than we’re making it out to be. the beauty of voting, to me, is the unity of states exercising their freedom. not the pitting against of red verses blue versus purple verses right verses left verses far far right. republican, democrat, libertarian… let’s chill and remember to see each other without our little voter buttons on. eh?


“take those old records off the shelf…” -bob seger

October 30, 2008

alright. so i went to listen to an album a little while ago. kathleen edwards “failer”. apparently i haven’t listened to it in a while because it’s not in the ole itunes library. there’s a white cardboard box stuffed full of cds. it’s a box i always glance over and never think twice about. it’s a box i keep saying, “i just need to throw it out but i just can’t bring myself to.” 

so i thought, hey, i’m not sleeping. might as well go through that old box and find the cd. wow. if you have your old cds, i would encourage you to take a walk down that memory lane sometime soon. something about seeing the physical cd you first listened to some of this stuff on is inspiring. i know. it’s a cd. not even vinyl. but seeing the cd art on some of those discs took to another time altogether. going through those also, however, drove me to repentance for spending my money on some of them in the first place. 

anyway, it was an amazing time. unexpected, but amazing. do it. seriously. think i may even do an art project with some of them. oh, needless to say. i found kathleen edwards “back to me” in disc form and kathleen edwards “failer” in jewel case form. but no “failer” disc, sadly. of course. boo. suppose i’ll try to sleep again now.


“it’s hard to give, it’s hard to get. everybody needs a little forgiveness” -patty griffin

October 28, 2008

ok. it’s safe to say patty is my favorite. it’s probably safe to assume whoever is reading this already knows this fact. please go find and listen to this song though. it’s called “forgiveness” on the album living with ghosts. wow. it’s been haunting me for the last couple of months. 

yeah, yeah. me again. 3:30 in the morning. i know i know.

that’s not what i’m writing about today. warning though: i’m about to be extremely candid. extremely candid and yet as vague as possible. have you ever been consumed with something? i thought i knew the extent of what that meant. but i think i’m learning new things about what that means. i didn’t think i was consumed, because i don’t think about it nonstop. and it hasn’t driven me crazy. and i haven’t felt compelled to fix it. but as i further examine and pray about it, i’m finding that it’s changing my heart. that it’s changing my interactions with people. that it’s causing fear and doubt in my life still. that it’s bringing about anger and discomfort far too often. 

i can honestly say that i hated one person growing up. one person ever. truly hated. i remember the day that person died. it was summer after my sophomore year of high school. i was on choir tour with my friends. i got on a tour bus and opened my Bible to ephesians. the passage told me to be careful how i live, not as unwise but as the wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. and i then realized that the days are evil. they trick us. the word “today” is deceptive because it implies “tomorrow” and it’s not always reality. i realized that the days were gone. i had no more time to hate her. more than that, i had no more time to love her. i hadn’t taken the opportunities thrown in my lap to love her. and i regretted that. i regret that to this day. 

and so i’ve never truly hated anyone since then. i’ve made a point not to. but i struggle these days with someone. i hope i don’t hate this person, and i don’t think it’s truly come to that. but i haven’t forgiven them either. and my eyes are wildly opened these days to what that does to a person’s life. it consumes it. very sneakily. not in the way that we think we would be “consumed” by something. but in all the little ways that we don’t catch at first until they’ve taken root. not forgiving someone grows and festers fear and anger and insecurities that we, as Christians, simply cannot afford. 

so what do we do? i thought that i could work it out. this is a me and God thing. and silently, in the privacy of my own prayer closet, the forgiveness would come. that the hurt would simply go away one day. i had myself convinced that it was unnecessary to uncover the wrongs done. to expose them. but maybe it is necessary. i told myself i didn’t need an apology. and maybe i don’t. but maybe i need to be heard. maybe i need to be true and honest and brave. and instead of fearing whatever further harm this person could or would do me, being confident in Who is truly for me. because, truly, if God be for me who can be against me? and if the Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall i be afraid? 

it’s a tough one, but of the very little i’ve figured out, i’ve at least figured this out: things kept in the dark corners of our hearts do nothing but fester and grow. they do not go away. we must bring light to these things. expose them and let truth eat away at them until they are no more. 

and honestly, strangely, it feels better just writing this. the first few lines of this song pin my heart down and make it hard to breathe. “we are swimming with snakes at the bottom of the well. so silent and peaceful in the darkness where we fell. but we are not snakes and what’s more we never will be. but if we stay swimming here forever, we will never be free.” wow. right?


“when you say nothing at all…” -overstreet and shlitz

October 26, 2008

it’s almost 2 in the morning. seems a lot of my posts are about not being able to sleep. especially in moments when i really do need to sleep. tonight is no different. but i’ve been yucky for the last couple of days so i’ve dozed in and out of consciousness. now my sleep schedule is all off. though i did get out for a bit last night and today. jack and i went to piedmont park today to spend some good quality time in the cool fresh air. 

either way… here i am awake on a saturday night when i have to be up in about 3 hours. i’ve been cuddling with jack and watching old movies. then i started listening in on my music for tomorrow morning. really trying to study how insanely off i am on our rehearsal cd, and the original versions of these songs. trying to study kristian’s voice a little more to try to sing as best i can with him. so i started thinking. i love singing on sunday mornings. i’m especially excited to be doing a little stevie wonder with the great jamie and joni portee. don’t know who they are? google that junk. but aside from that, i always get a little bummed when there are only 2 worship tunes for the morning. that’s the case for tomorrow. do i believe the Holy Spirit will be present and can use those 2 songs in a powerful way? absolutely. do i fully believe that people will have completely prepared their hearts on their way in and will rock and roll right out of the gates? that’s tough to say. i even asked myself a question about the importance of an opener if worship songs are what’s up for trade. no matter how excited i am to do said opener or how great it will be. either way though… it began me searching for some Truth that would motivate those 2 songs for me. for us. 

like many many many times, i was brought to one of my FAVORITE passages. it’s the first few verses of ecclesiastes 5. i remember when i first understood this passage in high school. louie giglio did a talk about it, and i have strived to live by it ever since. but a certain few words stood out tonight upon reading it. they’ve stood out before but in a different way tonight. the second verse is this: “Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.”

that works. i seem to have so many words. i seem to desire so many words. i seem to feel that i deserve so many words when i worship. i’m reminded of one of my journalism classes. the whole class revolved around this one exercise of concise writing. write a page. make it a paragraph. make it 3 sentences. that’s what i feel tomorrow morning will be for many. when it comes to singing anyway. doesn’t mean we’re saying less, we just have to stand in awe of God and LET our words be few. allow them to be few. surrender them to be few. my prayer for the next few hours is that the people who will be involved in those specific worship services will utter the few words we have without haste but with reverence, joy, and truth.


“i’m not sleeping anymore… 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 am…” -counting crows

October 23, 2008

so here i sit. you’re up early, you might be thinking. no i’m not. i’m up late. i came home tonight wiped clean from a loooong day. talked to my roommate, annette, for a while and then around 9:30 i fell deeply asleep. until 12:30 am. 12:33 to be exact. i woke up. i didn’t just wake up in a daze and fall back asleep grateful that it wasn’t time to get up yet. i woke up fiercely. my body said “no more sleeping!” i got up, went downstairs and sat on my computer for a while. not literally but you know what i mean. my ichat status was, appropriately, “i should be asleep”. my buddy steve agreed with me. oddly enough, i had some good conversations during that time. talked to a few folks i haven’t talked to in a while. laughed. all because i was sitting online at one in the morning. there’s always an up-side, i say. that would be it for me. the down side, or part of it anyway, would be that i haven’t slept but 3 hours. that’s a nap my friends. a nap. i’ve taken a nap. and at this point, i figure, might as well embrace it. don’t have to boot camp it today. it’s thursday. the one day i get to sleep in a little and i’m awake. beautiful eh? 

i guess i really don’t have much to say tonight. today. whatever. i am, however, excited about my day tomorrow. i’ll get up (no i won’t. i’m up now), go to buckhead church to hang out with kids for the day, go home, get jack (jack’s a dog), hop on marta, go to centennial park to read and people watch, then later head to velvet underground to see some folks lay down good music, and hopefully spend good time with my friend holly. not that one, another one. love that gal! 

it’s going to be a good day, i already know. there are many things i keep thinking “i’ll blog that”. haven’t done it. so here’s the laundry list of things that i’ll probably never blog about… just to catch you up.

-ryan adams concert. great seats. 5 bucks. about 10 songs in he bailed on the rest of the 22 song set.

-ponder’s wedding. so great. so much fun. lots of singing and laughing. and cake. 

-the death of rock and roll. still may be provoked in later blogs. especially if certain kids keep talking about music the way they have been in recent greenrooms.

-felicity. yeah i started again. call me a junkie. i don’t care. 

that’s about it i guess. i’m realizing lately that my life is insanely simple and yet so busy. guess that’s the way it should be. when i’m asked “so what are you doing these days?” really all i have to say is, “i’m singing a lot, working a few days a week at buckhead church, trying to write as much as possible, and spending time with friends.” so. lots of that. which isn’t really a bad way to do life if you ask me. my side job truly is a side job, and i love knowing that music is, once again and finally, my main focus. God’s so good to me to let that be my life. i can only pray i’m a good steward of it and continue to pursue it with all my heart. 

this post feels highly discombobulated. yeah. that’s a real word. and yeah. i spelled it correctly. what? maybe that has to do with the fact that i woke up for the day SIX HOURS AGO!!! who can know. hope your day is great and that you’re well rested! one of us should be.


“regrets, regrets…” -ben folds five

October 12, 2008

not that i could have really changed it much, but there is a realization had once i catch my breath from catalyst week… and i just had it for this year. 

it seems like a regret, though i’m not sure how i could have done things differently. it’s like the dust settles and i finally see all the people i wish i’d spent more quality time with rather than just running to and from. having met some of the most incredible and interesting people of my life, and not taken more from my interaction with them. the intentional conversations and adventures i would have loved to have with people who came and went for that week alone. bummer. it’s the realization that i want those opportunities back. in another time and another place. what to do about it, though? maybe there’s a way to hunt those moments down. maybe there’s not. but, as always, it reminds me to be intentional and open eyed about the interruptions that come my way. hope i remember that when it’s in front of my face. that’s it and that’s all.


“i don’t like mondays…” -ron sexsmith

October 12, 2008

ok. that’s a lie. i LOVE mondays. there are a million reasons why. since i work at the preschool 3 days a week, hang with the fee boys on fridays, and sing sing sing on sundays, i make sure mondays are beautiful. they usually involve a little sleeping in. other than that, they could include a park day, writing day, lunch or breakfast with someone i don’t get to see often, reading, running errands, the occasional cleaning… 

tomorrow is no different. i recovered all day yesterday and sang all day today. tomorrow, my plan is to go to “the guys'” house for a bit, catch a sneak peek at the mastered new unhindered album, and writing in front of one of their 3 pianos for a bit. then… i plan to go to centennial park. i love it there. i love taking marta to peachtree center, walking through downtown to the park, and laying down with a book. ESPECIALLY in the fall weather. gonna soak it up til it gets way too cold! i find myself so fascinated with the people in the park. i have great conversations at times, and overhear the greatest things! so, chances are, that’s where i’ll be found tomorrow, if you need me. excited about that. join me if you like!