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“strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord…” -brenton brown

February 13, 2008

Tonight, I went to 7/22. Wow. Jeanne Stevens started a new series called “The Long Way Round” about waiting. Jeanne is incredible. An incredible woman, speaker, minister, writer, mother… all around cool chick. We, as young single adults, are all waiting. For SO many things. I know I am. WOW. And I’ve been thankful for the waiting and have been learning so much through it. And I’ve been telling myself over and over that I should hold in the hurting part of waiting. Lately, the questions of “what’s the next step? What am I supposed to do? Where do I go from here?” have been running through my head. I LOVE to be told what to do. Sounds funny, I know. I also hate to be told what to do! Ha! I guess I mean, that I want to just be told what the next step is and I’ll take it. What am I supposed to do? Typically, if I believe and trust that you know better than I do, I’ll do whatever you tell me I’m supposed to. (keep that in mind!) so lately, I’m looking everywhere for the “right” answer to these questions. And all I can seem to figure is that there isn’t a “right” answer. But most recently, I’ve been wondering “do I wait for what’s next, or go after what’s next?” that’s a funny place to be.

Tonight, Jeanne started talking about how much we hate waiting, and how much God asks us to and seems to love to wait. When she started talking about that thing in our career, our life calling, that we know is right around the corner, I could feel my heart coming out of my chest. There it was. I opened my journal and waited to hear the “answer” to my question. But I didn’t get it. I simply got a list of beautiful stories of people who waited on God in the Bible, of attributes of the God I adore, and that God never asks us to wait without a promise and a purpose. But that He WILL ask us to wait. And then Jeanne started to tell the story of her moving here and how hard it was for her. And she pulled out an old black moleskine journal… and I picked up my matching red one. And she read a prayer that she had written before they’d moved and she had realized that she had asked for all the things that were hard for her at the time! I remembered that I had just finished telling my dear friend Annette of how I’m waiting and then of how I’ve asked God to help me be patient and how He never answers those prayers magically… but with a refining process. And that takes work. Hard work a lot of times. And I could feel my nose tickle, and I thought “not now.” And then she started to read in her journal a response that God had spoken to her heart about who she was and who He has made her into and how He has good things ahead but they are not what was behind her. That she could “dig up those old characteristics and try them back on, but they won’t fit the same.” And that’s when they came. I didn’t sniffle or snort. I breathed deeply and the tears just flowed involuntarily. And they didn’t stop. And I kept thinking “not here, not now. Can Jeanne see me crying?” and then she wrapped up and prayed and I sniffled a little here and there and breathed a little quicker. And I’m positive my roommate to my right and my dear friend to my left knew. And I sat there with my hands open in my lap and I cried, every so often quickly wiped my cheeks, trying to stop it before the prayer ended. And then Kristian came up to start the closing worship set. And he sang None But Jesus, and I sobbed. Still sitting, not moving, with my hands open in my lap. and I stayed like that. and then the snot came. And I cried harder than I have in a long time. I was sitting on the front row so I tried to pull my hair down to cover my face so my friends on stage weren’t wondering what main water line had burst all over my face. But then I stopped caring and I fell into the arms of God. And the verse “be still and know that I am God” took on a brand new meaning. It was more about trust tonight than it was about reverence, as it has always been to me in the past. And then Kristian sang Lord of All… and I trusted a bit more, and remembered the God I serve. And then came one of my favorites… Everlasting God. And I stood. And I sang as hard as I could, but I barely had a voice to sing. I sobbed through the whole thing and worshipped and was ecstatic that He has promised us strength as we wait. And He has promised good to us if we wait. And He is the Everlasting God. He will not faint. He won’t grow weary. And He’s the Defender of the Weak. He comforts those in need. He lifts us up on wings as eagles. And I sobbed because all of that is true. And it was more true to me tonight than it has been lately. And it OVERCAME and OVERWHELMED me! And I PRAY that I would always have that desperation in my worship. He has asked me to wait, and I will. It’s hard, but I will. I told Him I would, and I will. Because He has amazing things around the corner for me to do and be a part of. And I am so excited about turning that corner at the right time and watching Him change the world around me through all of it!

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2 comments

  1. AMAZING… Be in the “waiting” stage can be so difficult, but isn’t it wonderful to know that in this season God is shaping and molding us into exactly who we are created to be.. I think you are awesome…


  2. I tag you Dee Dee to tell 10 random facts about yourself on your blog!!! Hooray! I can’t wait to read them! (this is Emily from WL at BC)



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