h1

“just because i’m losing, doesn’t mean i’m lost…” -coldplay

September 11, 2008

i’ve been in a semi-funk lately. maybe you’ve noticed, maybe you haven’t. hopefully you haven’t. because then i would have to deem it a full-funk, and i’m just not ready to do that. but i’m not scared to admit the ups and downs of life, so here i am. i’m in the process of losing dear things to me. aren’t we all? i began to think the other day on all that i’ve lost in life. who i’ve lost. what i’ve lost. why i lost them. whether i lost them or they lost themselves for me. were they taken? either way, they’re gone now. i kinda feel like i don’t have a grip on anything these days. and in a weird way, i’m glad. it means nothing has a grip on me. which makes a stubborn girl like me feel free. but. feeling this way raises question after question after question every day. a lot of what if questions. a lot of second guessing questions. 

don’t get me wrong. i’m enjoying so much right now. i’m just inside one of those moments that we all have when life starts to throw things at you. the moment that feels a lot like what i imagine peter experienced when he saw the waves around him. in the moment between miracle and mayhem, i’m sure he questioned. i can imagine he stood there still amidst the waves just before he went down and felt unsure. so that’s where i find myself every so often the last couple of weeks. asking unnecessary questions and allowing insecurities to rise here and there. 

well… off i go to see burn after reading. very excited about that one. a friend got me a free preview pass to see it tonight. very nice.

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3 comments

  1. i can relate. just realized this week that something has been lost to me for over a year, but i was too much in denial to see it. strangely, when it was pointedly revealed to me, i wasn’t as sad as i thought i’d be. it was a relief to let it go. it no longer had a grip on me.

    keep being real…and you’ll find the way through the waves.


  2. Please don’t leave us! I feel like you’re talking about WLW, for some reason, but you’d better not even think about it!!! If I can’t, you can’t. 🙂


  3. PS – jealous about Burn After Reading!



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