h1

“there’s a whole lot of stubborn in this room…” -lee ann womack

September 4, 2008

so my newly embraced pal, rebekah ytterberg, was sitting next to me today looking at her computer. under her breath she called me out. “dee dee, post on your blog.” here’s to you, rebekah. here’s to you.

expectations. i realize more and more lately that i hate them. but. i have so many of them. i joke around a lot and refer to myself as non-committal. it’s no joke. in so many ways i am. i hate the feeling of someone expecting something from me, that i may or may not be able to give. that i may or may not be able to give well enough. a teacher in high school once looked me in the face and told me i didn’t have a fear of failure, but a fear of success. that statement has plagued me since. so much so, that i dream of calling her up one day, showing up at her house, and asking what she meant. to which i’m sure she’ll say, “who are you again?” she is right… but i’m still not completely sure how or why. i rarely do things the best i can, because i’m always worried that i’ll be expected to do it again. what if i can’t? what if i don’t want to? 

it all comes down to me being stubborn as all get out. i’m a silly girl. a silly girl who hates when anyone has an expectation of her or is too attached. maybe i’ll be there. maybe i won’t. i love my freedom. but at what cost? at the cost of being selfish with my time and my efforts and my gifts and even in some cases my heart? boo to that. i’m gonna fight that junk. people remember, rome wasn’t built in a day. don’t expect me to be great at it yet. see? there i go again… ha!

Advertisements

3 comments

  1. Deeds – you are great already. And you don’t give yourself enough credit. You are definitely at a time in your life where you can do what “you” want to do, but don’t forget those of us who love to be with you and lean on you being there for us, too. You have been such a blessing to me, and I’ve come to rely on our conversations. Does that scare you? 🙂 Kidding! You’re a great friend, and that’s enough for me.


  2. I didn’t mean to be so demanding! ha! and ditto to everything katy said


  3. I’m with you on this. Sometimes I feel doomed.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: