h1

“been a long lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely time…” -led zeppelin

August 24, 2008

don’t let the title fool you, i’m alright. just a little lonely. it’s strange.

like i said before, i don’t know my new roommates very well at all. which is exciting, but still new. so naturally, a bit uncomfortable. plus my stuff is still not all in, so i just feel displaced. and coming from an atmosphere where i felt taken care of and surrounded by great friends for the last month, it’s a little eerie. and a little lonely. at least it feels that way, whether it is or not. i find myself a little scared and i’m not quite sure what of. maybe change. what else is new?

i had an amazing day. last night was a little weird staying in the new apartment without the other roomies. i knew i was going to oversleep so i then proceeded to not sleep well at all, waking up every hour to check the time. got up this morning, and headed to north point. i got to sing in the east with danny dukes and some other great fellas. i had sleepy eyes even before rehearsal. that’s a bad sign. i can usually make it until the between service lull without sleepy eyes, but not today. the 9 was fun, then the 11, then 12:45 and i had had a great time singing and worshipping my little heart out. it was a really good time of worship for me today. just fun. i always feel like a rookie among the greats around north point and i try to lap up any and every bit of expertise i can find. there’s usually plenty around that green room! 

i finished the 12:45 and headed to buckhead church for inside out. we did a full night of worship tonight, and todd fields led for us. i was particularly excited about this evening. i hadn’t yet gotten the chance to sing with todd, and i love love love his songwriting, his musicianship, and his worship leading style. he has such a humble and sincere heart. and it’s so evident in the way he leads. what a great night. amazing. 

and when i think back on my busy day filled with great people, i am so blessed and full. but. for whatever reason, i got a block away from that experience and i had already begun to feel the loneliness. or maybe it’s not even loneliness at all. maybe it’s just fear of change. maybe it’s discomfort. maybe it’s fear of the unknown. whatever it is, it’s causing me to drag up all the things in my life that i could be fearful of. it’s all i can do tonight to pull out scripture and lay my head on it. to take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. to remember that God does not work that way. He does not work in fear… so these strange feelings have to be from somewhere else. somewhere false. and if it’s from anything other than from God, i don’t buy into it. at least, i choose not to. it’s still difficult sometimes to convince my instincts of that though. 

i’ll go hang out with some friends in a little bit. good people. hopefully it will spur good conversation. and i’ll come back here and go to sleep. and tomorrow will be a new day. i’m sure once i finally figure out how to get all my stuff in this joint, i’ll feel a little better. a little bit like it’s mine. for now, i’ll choose to remember what is true in my life. if you have any words of wisdom… bring them on!

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2 comments

  1. i think you’re doing everything right by being self-aware and speaking truth to yourself. things look better in the morning, and the faster you get settled, the better you’ll feel. thanks for being real!


  2. i’m sorry dee dee. i know the lonliness, in a different sort of way. but next week, it’s on.



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