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“just as i am, without one plea…” -charlotte elliott

April 21, 2008

saturday was incredible. what a day. and i truly needed it. i had already resolved to spend the better part of my day just soaking God in. talking to Him, listening to Him, enjoying His creation, looking for Him, laying in His arms very contently. and that’s exactly what i did. put on the sunscreen for the first time this season, and went to lay in the sun at a hidden secret pool i know of. sneaky, i know. and no one was there all day, it was perfect. i laid and enjoyed the beauty of the day and the warmth of the sun and just talked to God. we catch up everyday, but there’s something different about just enjoying His company. setting aside time to just laugh with Him. 

so there’s this book. it’s called the shack by william p. young. now, i know that there are people who are going to read this and may or may not excommunicate me from the church for saying this, but i’m a risk taker. i haven’t been able to really get into it. i don’t read much fiction, so maybe that’s it, but i’ve kept my mouth relatively shut about it. until i was greatly liberated by a post on carlos whittaker’s blog about how he felt the same way about this book that seems to be changing every life around me these days. i was beginning to wonder if i have no soul or if my heart is black or something. but i’ve kept reading, in faith, that God is always at work and can move in anything as long as you look for Him. (yes, even in cheesy 90s worship music if need be.) anyway… i took this book with me to the pool on saturday and continued reading, and got almost all the way through it. i’m not sure if i got better or if i just let my guard down a little more, but there are certainly things that God has shown me as i’ve read it. maybe not because of the book… maybe but maybe not. but they’re at least things i wouldn’t have thought about unless triggered. and i had a great revelation that has revolutionized everything. 

this is going to sound simple and much like something we’ve heard since we were kids, but knowing a truth about God and realizing it are two COMPLETELY DIFFERENT things! holla if ya hear me, yo. so here it is… God doesn’t just love me despite my quirks and my humanity, He loves me for my quirks and for my humanity… and He love them about me. and that makes such a difference when it comes to identity and insecurities! 

as a chick, we grow up hearing the stories and watching the movies where the guy goes off about the little things he loves about a girl. about how she laughs like a 4 year old, how she rubs her feet together as she’s falling asleep, how she dances in the living room when she thinks no one is looking, how many different smiles she has. and somewhere along the way, we secretly long for someone to come along and love us for the things that make us “weird” to everyone else. garth brooks even gave us chicks hope that our craziness will be endearing to someone one day…  “she’s sun and rain, she’s fire and ice. a little crazy but it’s nice. and when she gets mad you best leave her alone. ’cause she’ll rage just like a river then she’ll beg you to forgive her, she’s every woman that i’ve ever known.” 

and saturday i realized that God watches me and loves the way i may be messy but i know exactly where i last saw what i’m looking for. He knows how much i love to drive with the windows down and let my hair fly in my face and look like a wreck when i get out. He is fond of the way i just wash my bangs when i’m trying to get away with 3rd day dirty hair. He chuckles a little when i put 2 different socks on with my cowboy boots, because who’s going to see them anyway? He loves that i’m unpredictable in how i’ll let you pick on me for a long time and then without rhyme or reason all of a sudden stop laughing and say “hey wait a minute here.” 

it’s pretty darn satisfying to know that the only One who won’t ever disappoint me loves me more than anyone else. if you ask me, that’s a pretty great setup. one i’m overwhelmingly grateful for these days.

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3 comments

  1. this is good stuff…you are good peoples


  2. […] us for our faults…for our quirks…he is merciful beyond imagination. You can read it here. Loving another person just the way that they are can be difficult. Owning my own issues and not […]


  3. i like you. you are too neat!



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