“sometimes i feel like i never been nothing but tired…” -patty griffin

January 25, 2008

(written on December 8, 2007)
i celebrate the life of Christ everyday. i celebrate it because it is my own life. so i guess it’s “Christmas” all year round for me. but what is it about this season? call me scrooge all you want. my heart is not black. i, in fact, do have a soul. and i do not believe it is a sin to hate the Christmas season. i do. i hate the traffic. i hate the stress. i hate the hurriedness of it all. i hate the extra money spent. i hate the pressure. the traveling. the on holdness of everyday life. the people you disappoint because you can’t be everywhere or do everything. i hate the greediness. i hate expectations that are not lived up to. do i sound bitter? i’m really not. i’ll admit i’m a bit hurt by this season, sure. watching people throughout this season makes me long for another home even more. 


i will choose to love. and i will choose to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves. and if someone else’s justice calls for my broken heart then so be it. i’ve been in awe of the beauty of nature the last couple of months. how amazing the colors have been, and how great the cold air has felt at times. and at some point God whispered in my ear that it was all dying. that some of the most breathtaking scenes i was taking in were beautiful because of pain and death. and He is the only one i’ve ever known or loved who can make anything beautiful out of my pain and out of my death. and so i will love this season. perhaps it will always be painful. maybe it won’t at some point. but i will watch, like a kid watching for santa, for the beauty that is on display due to pain and due to death. i love how creative He is. i can’t wait to see what He does next.


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