“living on a prayer…” -bon jovi

3 posts in one day. i know. weird. but turns out i have one more thing to say before the day is called a day. 

so donald miller prayed at the dnc recently. he was asked to give the benediction for the convention. apparently, it’s caused a little stir. i’ve heard too much about it lately. was it a good thing? was it a bad thing? does it show favoritism? can donald miller truly be a Christian? 

won’t say a whole lot about it but this: if donald miller was saying the benediction prayer at the rnc, would anyone say anything whatsoever about it? when asked why he accepted the invitation, miller said “somebody calls you and asks you to pray, you do.” i like it. but i don’t have to like it. none of us do. we may put the weight of an entire religion on donald miller’s shoulders and ask him to represent us. we can even be angry in the way that this one man chooses to do so. 

but honestly. with all the energy we spend judging how other people represent us, were we to spend half that amount of energy representing Christ for ourselves… the results would revolutionary. 

so let’s give ole don a break folks. let’s start praying wherever people ask us. let us not be so picky with our prayers or where we spend our time.

i believe with all that is in me that were Christ to be asked to offer the benediction at the dnc OR the rnc… He would do it. in fact, i’ll go on record in saying that i bet He was at the dnc representing Himself. and i bet He’ll drop in on the rnc too. 

is you want to read miller’s entire interview, you can read it here: http://blog.christianitytoday.com/ctliveblog/archives/2008/08/donald_miller_t.html

this issue isn’t about being democrat or republican. it’s about using our brains folks.

“these are my confessions…” -usher

this is the part of the blog where i’ve decided to bring to light the guilty pleasures in my life… those things that we all really think about every so often but are too cool to mention out loud. let’s release, shall we?

it’s friday. i usually spend my fridays with 2 great little fellas, but they’re out of town for the weekend, so that leaves me on the couch enjoying some down time… first in a while! 

what am i watching? beverly hills 90210. no lie. it’s on right now and i got excited when they used the words “back to back”. that means 2 episodes. they are advertising labor day as a 90210 marathon day starting at midnight. i won’t lie, it’s tempting. if you’re concerned… rescue me please.

share your oldschool guilty please tv shows… 

ps… felicity… don’t worry. you’re still my altogether favorite.

“here i am. rock you like a hurricane…” -scorpions

having grown up in florida, to hear the word “hurricane” makes me angry. that word alone serves as my own personal pavlov’s dog to incite frustration and helplessness. honestly, that word is at least 2% why i left the grand state of florida. i’m only reminded of packing up my car, saying goodbye to my home, leaving town, wondering if i’d ever see certain things again, and then coming to back to annoying and inconvenient chaos. 

i don’t have to deal with those things anymore. not personally anyway. but my whole family is still there. not to mention that’s my hometown. i kinda feel like some big bully is picking on someone i love. my first instinct is to bow up and do something about it. but turns out, this bully is out of my league and i can’t do a darn thing about it. bummer. 

so here’s to you, hurricane gustav. you stay away from pensacola florida. and you stay away from my family and friends. and if you even think about touching precious landmarks like your buddy ivan did with the krispy kreme, and the pier, and everything else he ruined… i’ll, i’ll… well there’s nothing i can do but pout and gripe. 

hurricanes=dumb.

“been a long lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely time…” -led zeppelin

don’t let the title fool you, i’m alright. just a little lonely. it’s strange.

like i said before, i don’t know my new roommates very well at all. which is exciting, but still new. so naturally, a bit uncomfortable. plus my stuff is still not all in, so i just feel displaced. and coming from an atmosphere where i felt taken care of and surrounded by great friends for the last month, it’s a little eerie. and a little lonely. at least it feels that way, whether it is or not. i find myself a little scared and i’m not quite sure what of. maybe change. what else is new?

i had an amazing day. last night was a little weird staying in the new apartment without the other roomies. i knew i was going to oversleep so i then proceeded to not sleep well at all, waking up every hour to check the time. got up this morning, and headed to north point. i got to sing in the east with danny dukes and some other great fellas. i had sleepy eyes even before rehearsal. that’s a bad sign. i can usually make it until the between service lull without sleepy eyes, but not today. the 9 was fun, then the 11, then 12:45 and i had had a great time singing and worshipping my little heart out. it was a really good time of worship for me today. just fun. i always feel like a rookie among the greats around north point and i try to lap up any and every bit of expertise i can find. there’s usually plenty around that green room! 

i finished the 12:45 and headed to buckhead church for inside out. we did a full night of worship tonight, and todd fields led for us. i was particularly excited about this evening. i hadn’t yet gotten the chance to sing with todd, and i love love love his songwriting, his musicianship, and his worship leading style. he has such a humble and sincere heart. and it’s so evident in the way he leads. what a great night. amazing. 

and when i think back on my busy day filled with great people, i am so blessed and full. but. for whatever reason, i got a block away from that experience and i had already begun to feel the loneliness. or maybe it’s not even loneliness at all. maybe it’s just fear of change. maybe it’s discomfort. maybe it’s fear of the unknown. whatever it is, it’s causing me to drag up all the things in my life that i could be fearful of. it’s all i can do tonight to pull out scripture and lay my head on it. to take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. to remember that God does not work that way. He does not work in fear… so these strange feelings have to be from somewhere else. somewhere false. and if it’s from anything other than from God, i don’t buy into it. at least, i choose not to. it’s still difficult sometimes to convince my instincts of that though. 

i’ll go hang out with some friends in a little bit. good people. hopefully it will spur good conversation. and i’ll come back here and go to sleep. and tomorrow will be a new day. i’m sure once i finally figure out how to get all my stuff in this joint, i’ll feel a little better. a little bit like it’s mine. for now, i’ll choose to remember what is true in my life. if you have any words of wisdom… bring them on!

“gonna pull my soul in and i’m almost home…” mary chapin carpenter

so on a lighter note… i have a couple of things to divulge, whether they be of any interest to anyone but me or not.

first and foremost. today was move in day at the new apartment. it’s a cool location and my new roomies are very promising. not everything moved in today. tomorrow i’ll get to start getting settled. for tonight, my 2 roommates are both gone. i don’t know them very well, so being here alone is a little weird. like being in a stranger’s house. not even “like”, i am in a stranger’s house. i love finally being in the new place, but i have to confess something… i miss the house i’ve been in this last month. i miss my temporary roomies a little. what a blast it was. they were so good to me. once my stuff gets in this joint, it will feel like mine and i’m so excited about that. not to mention, i’m DONE living out of a suitcase! 

now… this may sound really strange, but it is what it is. i was driving 400 South today and realized something. driving 400 South makes me want to write songs. good or bad, i just can’t wait to get home and pen some stuff. or at least try to. don’t have any idea what it is, but it’s the same thing every time. maybe i should do it more often. ha! well… off i go to watch disney channel and go to bed early. 

ps… the disney channel is one of my biggest guilty pleasures. shh… don’t tell anyone.

“you can’t find the answers til you learn to question…” -ginny owens

ok, so tuesday i had a thought and told myself to blog it. later. i expressed the thought to my dear friend rachel bos, who told me to blog it. later. she encouraged me to wait and fully explore the idea and see what comes of it before i spoke. i love her for that. i don’t doubt that what i’m about to say will make some folks mad at me. frankly my dear, i don’t… no i do. it’s just that i’ve been watching too many people get too worked up over blogs. that’s silly. take this for what it is. meager ramblings of an observer. 

ok, the thought is this:

tuesday night was our last 7/22 for the summer. (i repeat, FOR THE SUMMER) yes, 7/22 as we know it is ending, but we have ONE  MORE to go! september 23rd. be there) on the docket this past tuesday was dan kimball who wrote the book they like Jesus but not the church and charlie hall with his band. let’s be honest, most folks didn’t read dan’s book. i’d like to think they did, and they probably had great intentions to. i’m guessing most folks almost finished the shack and never even cracked the second or the third on our reading lists. that’s fine. i can cop out and say this because i had already read dan’s book. i act like i am the only one who followed the rules. i did not. i defaulted them. ha. i digress. but i did hear the name charlie hall more times than i could count. kinda reminded me of the week of christmas when everyone talks about santa coming. and where is santa. the santa watch. the promises that he will bring magic in one night like no other can. the mystery and wonder of santa. i sound sarcastic. i am sarcastic. so here’s the hypothesis in a nutshell: most people would show up to 7/22 that night to be entertained by the likes of charlie hall than would come to 7/22 to worship.

i like charlie hall. i always have. PLEASE don’t get me wrong on that. though i’m sure some will. i think he’s a great worship leader. and what’s more, i believe that he would not desire for people to come for the glory of his name, but for God’s. i don’t doubt that God uses things to draw people into the church so that He can be known. but, and this is just a question of my heart not a statement, doesn’t Jesus say in John that when He is lifted from the earth that He will draw all men to Himself? seems like we’re trying to do more work than we need to. and this is not all on the idea of charlie hall either. just a thought that is motivated by what i see everywhere i look these days. am i glad that charlie was there tuesday night? absolutely! do i think God used him there? 100%. 

here’s the truth. i have questions circling my head all the time. these are simply a couple of them. devil’s advocate a bit, if you will. are people coming into our churches more to be entertained than to find relief in worship? whether they even know what that looks like or not. i believe that everyone has the need to worship, they just may not have ever been shown the opportunity. do we need to buy into the idea that people want to be entertained, and then once we have them in, show them worship? what does it mean that Christ will draw all men to Himself? and how do we maintain humility and remember our places in this whole scheme? is it even possible? 

please don’t crucify me for the questions. and if you have issue with me asking them, feel free to comment them for the world to see. if you feel the need to form a prayer chain for me and my questions, rest assured… i pray enough about them for all of us! but seriously, let me know your thoughts, answers, questions, prayers, concerns, encouragements…

i think i love questions more than answers.

“life is not tried, it is merely survived…” -garth brooks

ok, so on fridays i hang out at the fee’s house with levi and price to give carmen one day off to do whatever she darn well pleases. today is no different. got up around 7:30, rolled out about 8, stopped in at starbucks on haynes bridge, looked around to see who i knew (no one today), and then got to the fee’s around 8:30. levi fee’s face when i walk in the door makes me want to stop time altogether. what a stinking cutie! i’m a big fan of his. price went down around 9… that dude is adorable and certainly amazing. anyway, upon his naptime, levi and i usually venture to the outside world. today was no different. “levi, you want to go outside??” you can guess the answer. a passionate head shake and all that amazing hair flopping in his face. so out we went. and what did he want to do? play in the elmo sprinkler. so we marched right back inside and put on his bathing suit and little water shoes. i tried to figure out why elmo wasn’t twirling about, and naturally, figured it out about the same time it sprayed me smack in the face. so, fully clothed, i ran out of elmo’s fire and told levi to jump in! 

did he? not really. he stayed around the edges of ring of water so that it barely touched him. he stood back just watching and pointing and laughing and smiling. i kept trying to get him to run through or jump over or something exciting and he would have none of it. i even sacrificed my dryness to set a good example. nothing. so i asked if we should turn him off. meltdown. apparently no. so i tried again to get him to fully enjoy the thing. no such luck. so i asked myself, “if he doesn’t enjoy it the way you think he should, isn’t it enough that he simply enjoys it as much as you think he should?” i said yes and then, of course, started thinking further into it. 

i wonder if God doesn’t look at us the way i was looking at levi today. dumbfounded. ready to turn the sprinklers off if we won’t jump in and enjoy it. i wonder how many amazing gifts God has put right in front of us that we think we are loving to the fullest. and yet, we have no idea how much more incredible it could be. we are completely content standing where we’ll get splashed a little and laughing and pointing. just watching. and what’s more is that we think that’s what we’re supposed to do. i prayed this morning that God would open my eyes to the things i could just dive into and truly enjoy His goodness. the things i’m just watching and laughing and pointing at. really enjoying, but not even realizing how great it could be. 

all that from an elmo sprinkler and a little boy? yeah, all that.

“it’s a beautiful day…” -u2

it’s been a pretty good day. a pretty great one actually. which was very welcomed. it’s thursday. the end of my work week. but today was the end of a few other things too. we had our very first pre-k graduation at waumba land. 3 precious and dear 4 year olds wore construction paper hats and moved on up to kindergarten… just like the rest of us did days ago. ok, years ago. my sweet boss, kristin and her 3 precious boys spent their last day with us as well. she’s moving on. change. i guess it’s completely inevitable, whether i like it or not. if you changed my everyday breakfast from dirt to chocolate cake, i’d probably have a problem with it at first. change. never liked it much at first. just give me a moment. 

then i came “home”. (ps… i’m in between homes at the moment. moved out of my apartment almost 2 weeks ago, and won’t be moving into my new apartment until august 23rd. what does that leave me? homeless, that’s right. not so fast. i have 5 dear wonderful friends who are letting me hang at their great house for the duration. love them!) so anyway, i came “home” and put on some running clothes. went for a great run, came back and swam some laps in the pool. felt amazing. took a shower, ran a couple of errands and brought home a small maggiano’s salad. which i ate in front of hannah montana. then i pulled out an art project and spent the next couple of hours teaching myself how to paint and pretending to be creative.

and here i am. a couple of my temporary roomies are in and out recording and writing and just being pretty great in general. overall, i can’t tell you how great these last couple of weeks have been. so relieving and peaceful. this house has been such a great refuge and these folks have been so much fun. they truly are such a blessing. and they keep me laughing. not to mention, it’s so good to be around such creative folks. little free spirits, if you will!

well, that being said… i’m going to sit here on this couch, watch jane eyre with charlotte gainsbourg, and write a bit. that’s just a good day, my friends. a good day. and i am grateful for good days. they always seem to come when you need them the most, right?

“you belong somewhere you feel free…” -tom petty

one of my, if not my all time, favorite tom petty song is “wildflowers”. it’s a truly great one. the guy named the entire album for it. it’s all about freedom. all about feeling free. about finding the places where we truly feel comfortable and safe and unbound. that’s what i’m all about these days. 

this year, so far, has been a whirlwind of lessons learned. if i were still in school and had to do that activity where our lives are a timeline, with little tick marks dictating the most monumental events that have shaped our lives. 2008 would have it’s own label. it would say “this was the year i lost a lot of leftover innocence and trust, and stopped working so hard to prove who i am to people and started simply enjoyed being who i am.” i am a firm believer that when one discovers that he or she is in an undesirable situation, he or she has control of one thing. himself… or in my case, herself. so you take yourself out of the situation. may not be fair, may not be right… but it’s all you can do. so i’ve been in purging mode lately. and it’s been so freeing. feels like i’m cleaning out my closet of clothes that make me feel badly about myself. clothes that make me feel fat or ugly or dorky or older than i am… or younger than i am for that matter.

God has shown me a lot about who i am in all this time. and who i want to be. and who i want to be around. and who i don’t want to be around. and how no matter who i am around, i am still myself and should make no apologies for it. and i love love love being there. still on my way i guess. but i’m learning… and i’ve been blessed lately to have great friends who are dedicated to my education and development. they’re good folk… you know who you are.

ps… on a completely unrelated note, christian paschall is downstairs right now playing drums. i LOVE being in this house for a few weeks. it’s so good to hear music all the time.